Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Pouty Picture Chicks

Pouty Picture Chicks. Oh you know who you are. The internet's large and forgiving arms have been burdened with girls who like to get together and pout and take pictures of themselves, holding the camera far above their heads.

This practice finds its origins in ancient swamp dwelling humans. Where it was common for women to sit around and pout. This lured unsuspecting ducks (drakes, technically) who were under the impression that it was in fact a hot duck with a glorious beak, who was beckoning them. And the ducks used to run forth in slow motion with a 60's rock song in their head (60's rock was available that time. Very few people realize that 60's rock songs are timeless, but more on that some other time), and they would then be killed for being 'a dumb duck' or 'a stupid duck'. Strong expletives at the time, but these phrases were the origins of the phrases 'you dumb/stupid fuck'. I'm serious. I was there.


As we've all studied in history, the church suppressed this practice, in the early 1200's, an effeminate Pope Jules II is known to have said on this matter "That's mean. Don't do that."

Not that I'm complaining. The way I write might lead you to believe that I have a problem with pouty picture chicks, but the fact is I support the ppc (pouty picture chicks, it's another new thing). The thing is that I speculate their numbers in billions and using rigorous mathematical proof I have concluded that PPCs will destroy the internet. 

Mathematical Proof

The internet can handle 1 billion ppc uploads per day.
One day there'll be more pictures than the 'net can handle' and that's the day the net collapses and goes back to its ancestral home, Mozambique.
This is based on the assumption that you won't look this up. And the reason you won't look any of this up is that you've already established facts in your minds without looking them up, and those facts only got jammed in your minds because of the assumption that you hadn't looked them up. And therefore, to reform your opinion, you need a time machine. And I have the keys. Suck it.

No one appears to know the motive of the PPCs at this time. Ducks don't roam wild anymore, they're more subdued, the suffering of their ancestors reflected in the new musical rage, soulful enchanting-duck-music, or edm.

The church doesn't seem to care about their activities this time.
So what's their plan? Well that's one of a few things I have no answer for. 
You got a hint? Drop the words in that nifty little box below!

1 comment:

  1. lol.......i postd a commnt nd it dint shw up...so ....hv to write ..ol over again...neways..:P
    ....
    this one was...hahhahhahahhaha totally hilarious..!! loved the concluding lines..." NO one appears to knw....................ducks dont roam..............."
    overall it ws too good.... !! well... it ws a grt one.....aftr a long tym...even bettr thn the one on "GOD " ..nd "not a hppy fellow.."....... :P :P
    keep on writing..... good ones like these......after jan 31st i suppose.. :P :P :P :P : P

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